Words by JON CLARKE
We’ve likely all been there. You’ve been in a relationship for a while, everything was going well, laughter was being made, sex was being had. But over time, the laughter turned to arguments, cute personality ‘quirks’ turned to annoyances, and the sex...well, that just stopped happening. Deep down, you probably both know you should break up, but how do you go about doing so?
Ending a stagnating relationship
A stagnating relationship is when you’ve both gone beyond caring. We aren’t talking about farting in front of each other or wearing onesies to bed - but when you both stop growing together as a couple. This can be due to a number of factors:
- You stop making memories together (short breaks, holidays)
- You become less accepting of each other’s ‘flaws’
- You’d rather be on your phone when in their presence
In a way, this type of relationship can be easier to end. Chances are that you’ve both grown apart and that you both secretly know it’s the right thing to do. To reach this ‘stage’ of a relationship, you’ve likely been together for a number of years, which presents another problem: routine.
The breaking of a comfortable routine can often make ending these relationships the hardest. The routine you both have can almost give you a false sense of ‘need’ for each other, when in fact there is far more to life.
Relationship expert Gurpreet Singh says that the most important thing is to be honest with each other. Sitting down and having an honest talk as to why you aren’t working anymore is far better than a slanging match over the phone or (worse still) by text message. Avoid raising your voice and don’t rise to petty remarks or slights against you, this will help to get your true feelings across more effectively.
In this kind of relationship, achieving a grown-up conversation can be easier than you might expect. Both of you likely feel that the time is right and parting ways is the best thing to do. The difficulty in break ups comes when one of you isn’t ready for it and feels that it can be worked out. Here’s what you need to do…
When the feeling isn’t mutual
The difficulty comes when you know that the feeling doesn’t go both ways. You’ve made up in your mind that you don’t want to be with this person, yet they might think everything's going perfectly well. What can you do? Well what not to do should be obvious. Don’t start treating them with less love and respect in the hope that it pushes them away. This can be a slow and very painful process for the both of you.
Instead, and similarly to above, just be honest about your feelings. In this situation though, he/she might be in denial and tears may flow and arguments can boil over.
As hard as it is, try not to comfort them if or when they cry. Not only will this make it harder for them to accept, but trying to console them will just confuse the situation further. Remove yourself emotionally and this will help them come to terms with it more quickly. It might seem brutal at the time, but it’s the necessary thing to do.
Cutting lines of communication entirely is a tough thing to do nowadays, with the likes of social media and mobile phones. And sometimes you even need to stay in some contact if you have belongings to collect and ends to tie up. If you can leave things amicable, then remaining friends on Facebook is possible. But if things go bitter, you might find that you need to block them before bunnies are boiled…