WORDS BY SIMON E. SMITH
Here at Goodwin Smith we always have your back. As the head of the GS Club we won't allow any of our members to strut around the jungle looking like a dishevelled baboon. We're aiming to send out well-heeled lions. Yes, you're one of them. With that in mind we've identified the four worse ever men's shoe trends. We've gone one further too, by providing alternatives to the fashion faux pas you may be currently sporting.
The last person to pull off wicklepickers was Keith Richards, and he’s long since kicked the habit. These pointy boots were a favourite of 1960s rock ‘n’ roll stars who were presumably unaware Russell Brand would take up the trend 50 years later. If you’re not one half of the Mighty Boosh or a Shoreditch local then give it up. You can still read your French Symbolist poetry. Stop prancing around like a Dickensian child-snatcher and slip into a pair of round toes instead.
Newline Black Brogue Shoes, available at Goodwin Smith, priced £95.
UNDONE BIKER BOOTS
The fashion world’s crème brûlée and by that we mean these boots can either look phenomenal or let’s be honest…shit. Fashion like with food isn’t just a matter of personal taste, you either have it or you don’t. Undone biker boots are a strong statement piece, which exude power and authority but be wary though, they can end up wearing you rather than you wearing them. Yes, life is all about taking risks – YOLO - but not with what you put on your feet. If you’re gunning for boots then try a pair of Chelsea’s instead.
Baldwin Black Chelsea Boots, available at Goodwin Smith, priced £75 (sale).
The only people that can pull off cowboy boots are Quentin Tarantino characters and actual cowboys. If you’re either Mr. White, Mr. Orange, or Mr. “Was that as good for you as it was for me?” Blonde, then sorry, you’re not welcome here. In addition, unless you hail from a country where a random yeehaw wouldn’t cause a raised eyebrow then steer clear. There can’t be anything more cringe worthy than leaving your hogtying boots at the door when you’re visiting the girlfriend’s parents for the first time. Make a strong first impression with a classic brogue boot instead.
Lumb Tan Brogue Boots, available at Goodwin Smith, priced £94 (sale).
Remember when George Bush had no less than two shoes launched at him by an Iraqi journalist back in 2008? Bush sure was swift with his dodges. If you study the footage carefully you’ll notice the man throwing square-toed shoes. Clearly he had the sudden realisation that they make a superb throwing implement rather than a fashion item. Granted it wasn’t the best time to test the theory but he did get some cracking momentum. Throw any square-toed shoes in the bin or at world leaders. The choice is yours. Replace them with round-toed Oxfords for your incarceration.
Osborne Brown Derby Shoes, available at Goodwin Smith, priced £90.